It's like Sophie's Choice

So got into Boston University School of Public Health and it's the program I wanted. Sucky thing is that I also got into Drexel's program and Anna is taking research leave for two years here in Philly.

So it's like brother or career?

But not really. I mean that's super melodramatic.

I've made really good friends here and have created a pretty bad ass support system. Boston isn't that far and not too expensive to travel to and from. It's just two years. two years of an amazing program and great faculty. two years, part of which i'll get to spend in a developing country.

And it's two years of staying put. Which is funny because just yesterday the idea of staying put in Philly for two years, making it a grand total of 3 years was kinda freakin' me out.

And after all of this, I'm worried I'm not excited about this career. But then again, nothing would really make me happy, right?

I've just gotten so used to living in the limbo, making an actual decision feels pretty scary.

I miss a lot, but really just one giant thing

Alright so I've been feeling pretty uninspired lately. There's no books that hold my attention, no stories hammering to be let out inside my brain, my past writings all sound childish, and this lack is really really taking a toll on my overall emotional health.

I don't think I ever realized how large a part literature and fiction plays in my identity. How much joy a well turned phrase, or passage gives me. I ache for the excitement of things on paper. I miss my friends who make me think about things, who spar verbally because it's fun, who appreciate a well written piece of fiction and want to dissect it and talk about its merits and failures in large and minute detail.

I miss the need/desire to go to a full coffee shop and take in all the other people and wonder who they are, what they're working on, and where they come from. I miss my old enclave in the French House - that large table, the french doors, all those windows, the quiet view of a nice street with beautiful houses framed by green trees and grass on a rainy day.

I miss the drama of someone else's problems. sword fights, epic loves, teenage angst, adult angst, and indecision. Where did it go and how do I get it back?